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October 3, 2017

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Learning about myself each day

May 1, 2017

Mummy I am old enough to look after myself - toddler meltdowns. 


When I am with my toddler I am amazed that within such short periods of time I can feel such a variety of different emotions. 


Yesterday, I was happily enjoying the company of my toddler we had just been for a baby chino with my parents.  It was a lovely afternoon and apart from the usual issues about him wanting chocolate everything was running smoothly.


When we began walking to the car park I was holding his hand and he began pulling it away from me. I kept saying, "Give me your hand please," but something in that moment made him not want to listen my instructions. He kept pulling his hand away.


At this point I was angry and I wanted to get to the car safely so I made sure I did not let go of his hand. 


Now he was not happy at all and he began shouting, "Leave me alone mummy. I am old enough to look after myself." He was angry with me I could see it in his eyes. His face totally changed as he repeatedly told me that, "he is a big boy now and can look after himself. "


At this point I was just as angry.  Why was he shouting me? I do so much for him I am so exhausted all the time but I still try and do everything I can for him. 


I was very close to shouting back. So close. 


I took a deep breath, knelt down to his height and talked him through why I held him hand. It's dangerous he is not old enough yet. I am a grown up he is not . It is my duty to look after him until he is older.  He is my son and I want to keep him safe. I told him I love him. 


This was hard for me I wanted to scream at him.  Luckily my dad was with me and he was with the baby so I had the time to focus on the toddler otherwise to be honest if i had been alone with both children I would have shouted at him. 


Through this I realised writting my thoughts down and sharing them with you helps me, it makes me want to be better at handling situations like this.


I saw a different angry in my sons eyes he was angry at his mum like I was at times when I was teenager. 

In the end he did calm down and he did say sorry mummy. It was okay and it will always be okay but I know that this is just the beginning.


Lots of love,

Mum to boys



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